penchants and pergolas
by planet p
Summary: AU; Susie is sitting in the gazebo and she’s cold. Susie/George, sorta.


**penchants and pergolas** by planet p

**Disclaimer** I don't own _the Lovely Bones_ or any of its characters.

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**penchant** – _n._ a strong inclination; a taste or liking for something.

**pergola** – _n._ **1.** an arbour formed of horizontal trelliswork supported on columns or posts, over which vines or other plants are trained. **2.** an architectural construction resembling such an arbour.

(Definitions copyright Macquarie University NSW, 1999.)

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The pergola is silent, now. All around her, the land is silent. She is cold. It is dark, so dark. She's come out because she can't stay inside, can't sleep with the thousand thoughts racing through her mind like synchronised swimmers, or fireflies.

She comes to the pergola, and sits.

She sits and tries to think of nothing, but the cold and the quiet make her body buzz, and hum, and she has to think of something; the humming leaves her no choice.

In her mind, she is standing in the vacant paddock where she'd been killed, on Earth. She is standing there with Ray, and he holds her hand. Looking deeply into her eyes, he says to her, "_My tumko pyar karta hu_," but she doesn't understand. His hand dissolves around hers; he dissolves right before her eyes, like a photograph over time, damaged by sunlight so that the image eventually fades into nothing.

He is gone, then, and she feels cold.

She shakes with the weight of it, like snow falling on the limbs of trees, or the rooves of houses. She shakes.

The snow melts and runs from her shaking fingers.

She feels someone approach. Her heart skips, then leaps for joy. _Dad!_ she thinks. She doesn't open her eyes yet. _Just a moment longer_, she thinks. _I want to remember his face._

He stops near her and wraps his jacket over her shoulders. She stops feeling cold. It's such a wonderful feeling. She wishes her mom and her younger brother and sister could be there, too, with them.

And Holiday, their dog.

She lets herself think of them all, together. Together, they are happy; not always, but they are happy more.

Her mouth tells her it wants to smile. _I'm going to smile_, she thinks. She's so happy, but-

Her eyes fly open. She's not dreaming anymore! The man is not her dad! A terrible scream fills her throat.

"What ever are you doing out here, Susie?" George asks. "You'll catch your death."

It's his jacket. She wants to throw it off her; she wants to RUN. But-

She sees another life, a life before – _her_ life before. They had been married; she had loved him, but she'd been taken, and he hadn't been able to do a thing about it. She'd been tortured, and then she'd been burned.

Inside, she feels how he'd blamed himself. She feels how it had been all his fault. He should have-

Done something; stopped them.

He had gone to his grave thinking that it had been his fault. And, in the next life, he'd have to live up to that. In the next life, it was his turn to come to terms with his guilt, to take the blame he'd felt so keenly in the last life.

_All of those other girls and women_, she thinks, with an inward gasp, _they had only ever been leading up to me! They had only ever been preparation for me and him!_

She feels ill with the realisation, _so_ ill. She wants to take off the jacket and throw it back at him. She wants to hit him; she wants to hurt him like he'd hurt her.

"Susie?" he says, except he's not saying Susie, at all. He's saying, 'Caron.'

Caron, her before name.

She feels the flames. She _so_ hot!

He reaches out a hand.

She takes it. The flames recede, and disappear. She can't _believe_ she's _holding_ his _hand_!

"It's time, Caron," he says.

She almost asks, 'Time for what?' but she doesn't need to. It's time to move on: it's written in his eyes.

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**Thanks for reading. Flame me if you want; I'll understand.**

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Questions

_For the Character List_

What are the last names of Brian, Clarissa, Lynn, and Nate (Susie's grandmother?)?

What is Ray's father's name?

What are the names of the kids from Lindsey's 'smart people' camp?

What is the name of the detective whom Abigail gets with? Detective Len Fenerman?

Holly is Susie's friend from her 'heaven;' who is her 'guidance counsellor,' again?

Leah and Sophie were among Mr. Harvey's previous victims; what are their full names, what are the names of the others?

Sophie's son is named what?

Is Susie's full name Suzanne (with a 'z')?

Lindsey and Samuel's daughter is named Abigail Susie, isn't she?

What are the names of some of their neighbours, apart from Mr. Harvey?

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_My tumko pyar karta hu_ is the Hindi way to tell someone you love them.


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